i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life is pants optional.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
