The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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