He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
