Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
