dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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