When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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