Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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