OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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