I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We are two peas in an std pod
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
