Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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