Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
