Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
