Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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