Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
