Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
