I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize