it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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