I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
