dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
