my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In America we eat man semen.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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