u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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