using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
