I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
