Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
