Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
