I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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