can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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