Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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