You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
