I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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