He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
