i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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