I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As shirtless as possible
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There are leaves in my underwear?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
