Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
