I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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