I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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