I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you traded sex for a burrito?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize