i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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