My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
