Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
