Where is the hickey?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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