winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
