I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
