Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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