Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
