Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
