Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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