dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
