i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
