She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
