I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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