My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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