i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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