You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
