Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
