best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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