i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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