I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
