Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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