apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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