My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize