I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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