Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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