So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
