I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize