I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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