So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
